January 3, 2010 7:23 pm
So here’s the deal.
I am very quiet right now.
That is very odd for me.
Not only am I quiet outwardly, I am inner quiet too.
I am not referring to ‘stillness’, for this, is not that.
This, is the Void.
This is what came of my Ascendant/Descendant being aligned with the eclipse on New Years Eve.
And then some.
Add to that Mercury being retrograde in my 7th house, and I am crippled in a sense, in interaction with others.
Now I know what this is all about in the big picture, and I know how great this shall be in the end of this cycle, yet it doesn’t change that right now my personality is registering at less than zero, in my opinion.
I have written plenty in the past few days, it is all sitting in my drafts, and yet I have not once hit the ‘publish’ button on any of it.
I have written about one subject twice and still can’t get it right.
When I proof read it at the end, it is just echoing back to me as a whole lot of “BLAH, BLAH, BLEEP, BLAH, ICK…and more BLAH”.
I think to myself at the end of all that, “Who would want to read this crap..ugh, it is so uninteresting it is not even “Back-of-Thou-Family-Throne” worthy. ((smiles))
The piece I’ve written twice from two different angles, is supposed to be a celebration piece, a reflection at the end of my 12 year journey with Pluto in my 6th house.
It is a “that was then this is now” reflective of how Pluto came through and transformed me from someone that was toxic in so many ways at one point, everyone from my Shaman at the time, to physicians of numerous fields, didn’t present me with really great odds of making it to 40.
And yet, here I am.
A celebration piece.
Yet, to share that with others, I have to go there..you know, also share all of the really tough stuff to have it make sense.
Not just the WOO-HOO!!! look-at-me-now thing.
Until now, and this eclipse, I have had no problem putting my past crap right up there for full view if I thought for one second it could help someone else.
Yet right now, I am not sure I want to do that anymore or if I am supposed to do that anymore.
This is not a shame or guilt issue, ask anyone that knows me personally and they will tell you I will talk about anything and in full living color if it has context in some manner.
So it is not shame here.
Too, I have always felt that the more real I am with where I have been, the more inviting I am to others that are currently in situations or have experienced past situations that they have a difficult time sharing because they feel others can’t relate.
I am being 100% honest when I say I have had one of those trips this time that I can find a bridge with damn near everything and have experienced a whole lot of things that are not considered appropriate subject material for those with a sensitive disposition.
Yet along came this eclipse, and out of the blue, I feel as if I am to make a HUGE decision now.
Yet maybe I have no decision to make at all, for it has already been made, and now I must just be patient and wait for the next step to unfold.
Tonight I am being niggled that the reason I can’t write worth a crap right now, is that I am not sure if I want to go there anymore even if I do claim that it is to assist others.
Note I used the word claim in the previous sentence for I am also aware that could be crap also..something inside of me coming up with excuses to not let go of what this eclipse is shutting down/ending for me.
I think I have the opportunity now, to present myself however I wish to be seen, and that is going to be how I will be seen by others, for a very long time.
And even though I somewhat knew the possible ramifications this eclipse might have for me, well..you know how it is, what we expect is only ballpark for what occurs.
Geez, I was kind of hoping all of a sudden post eclipse I would be viewed liked this:
Yet currently, it feels like this:
And it is ok, because I am really good at this sort of thing, at rebirthing, and I will figure it out soon.
It really is my choice and how wonderful it is to be given this choice, yet I have a ways to go and lot of listening to do the next days I think, so I walk this through just right for me.
Share how the effects of this eclipse are being felt in your life? How are you doing?
Posted by Kachina Houska
Categories: Astrology in Daily Life, This is My Reality
Tags: cancer-ascendant, eclipse-conjunct-ascendant, lunar-eclipse, mercury-retrograde, mercury-retrograde-7th-house, new-years-eclipse-2009
Mobile Site | Full Site
Get a free blog at WordPress.com Theme: WordPress Mobile Edition by Alex King.
Very interesting post. I have been feeling much the same. I spent Saturday evening with a friend I haven’t seen in 9 years, and I had amazingly little to say. I love her, I missed her, I was happy to see her, and enjoyed hearing her talk, but I just felt little desire to assert myself, my personality.
I’m a Sadge, Leo asc. Can’t think of other relevant placements or transits right now–which tells you something. Too lazy to go look at the chart, to EXPLAIN myself. I’m never too lazy to explain myself. I’m a writer! I’ve been quiet in every conceivable way. FB, phone, email, in person, you name it. I have almost nothing to say.
There is someone flirting with me right now. I WANT him to flirt with me, I like him. Yet I cannot muster up a response. I’m usually sooo good at that kind of thing. Just a couple of weeks ago a friend made a joke about my FB page being like a kitchen, it’s where the party always is. Normally, he’s right. Yet I’m suddenly mute. Weirdness.
LikeLike
By Karen on January 4, 2010 at 9:13 am
Hi Karen,
Everything you wrote I relate to, completely. And I wish that were a good thing..ugh.
I have been avoiding FB the past few days due to feeling bit sheepish even signing in, knowing that I will try to leave a comment and just backtrack erase it anyway.
A few days ago, it took me like 10 attempts to just leave a Happy Holidays wish with the owner of a great astro site I visit.
Your Leo first house is likely the culprit, or at least one of them, as you have Mars retrograding there. Too..I think this Mercury Retro is just a real beast this time.
Sadly, I am not all that brain capable at the moment to follow the web of possibilities, so I shall likely just go spend the next hour or so seeing if there are any brain-communication intact astrologers out there talking sense of it. 🙂
Thanks for sharing and I wish you well and hope you get your flirt back-on soon! kachina
LikeLike
By in2themystic on January 4, 2010 at 11:42 am
I am looking at this same configuration for tomorrow’s (June 26) lunar eclipse in Cap….the moon is on my DC (Cap-6th) and the Sun is on my AC (Cancer-12th). Any insights here would be greatly appreciated!!!
LikeLike
By s on June 25, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Hi ~s~!
Sun on AC will light up your personality and how you present yourself to the world and this will likely take the route of the ‘mirror’ due to the Moon on your DC. With Pluto involved expect to have others mirror back to you how you are/are not owning your personal power at this time and take into consideration what you ‘see’ in others. Do you?, or do you not?, like what you are observing in your contacts. Apply what you learn of these observations to your personal self and measure if there is a need for possible adjustments to be made concerning personality, appearance etc. This is an opportunity to get a truer picture of how you project yourself and how others receive you.
I am a Cancer rising too and this is a fabulous time to “see” how others see you!
Blessings! Kachina
LikeLike
By in2themystic on June 26, 2010 at 10:09 am
Thank you so very much.
LikeLike
By s on June 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm
most welcome. 🙂
LikeLike
By in2themystic on June 28, 2010 at 6:15 am
I can relate. The eclipse was conjunct my Mars in the 7th and Mercury (which rules my 7th) is retrograde in my 1st. I have been hiding all week. I’ve been using the bad (winter) weather as an excuse but that’s not quite it.
I have some writing deadlines to meet this week (one today which I’ve missed) and I’m thinking exactly the same thing — who really cares about any of this, and will the world end if I don’t produce…? I have Sun-Mercury-Saturn in Gemini in the 6th and not producing is rarely an option. I just don’t feel like *trying* anymore. This is not to say I won’t eventually, just not right now.
Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
By hitchhiker72 on January 4, 2010 at 4:42 pm
hitchhiker,
I got to the end of your first paragraph..and couldn’t stop laughing. ;0
Please forgive me, but I thought to myself, poor thing she is totally screwed right now too…
With your planets in Gem/6th, you are no stranger either to Merc. retro and neither am I with a Gem moon/Virg Sun-Pluto, but this one is just ‘different’ and I’m guessing you agree.
I am accustomed to still getting alot done with Merc retro, but this is just a total brain haze today and has been on and off for over a week.
Thanks for adding your thoughts..I am feeling less lonely now. 🙂
Best wishes! kachina
LikeLike
By in2themystic on January 4, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Kachina,
Thank you for commiserating. *weep* I definitely agree that this Merc retrograde is different but there’s so much else going on. The lunar eclipse conj my Mars also squared my Uranus and opposed my Jupiter. And the coming Merc direct solar eclipse is going to conj my North Node three degrees away from my Moon trine my Pluto. Oh joy.
This is going to be one of those turning point years. I may as well not fight it…
You hang in there too. You’re definitely not alone!
LikeLike
By hitchhiker72 on January 5, 2010 at 4:15 am
hitchhiker,
You are absolutely right, there is sooo much going on.
And that is why this feel so different.
Nearly every planet and angle in my chart has been highly activated the past years (I have 2 grand crosses, 1- late mutable, 1-early cardinal, if you acknowledge the NN and angles in crosses…and I do, because I live that). 🙂
Anyway though..I woke up today much clearer, so it seems to be lifting some for me, hopefully for you and Karen also.
I realized that this one is harder to put a finger on, just due to the sheer number of area’s being released..and that of course will all be refocused by the cardinal energies this year.
LOL..the things we know, yet when we are in the midst of it ourselves, we cannot always see for all of the ‘trees’!
Take care!
LikeLike
By in2themystic on January 5, 2010 at 5:35 am
No servant to self nor another be,
To Live my Truth I must happily be me.
Yet my canvass blanked. Who am I?
My soul shines bright as the full moon skies
And sends the message; ” It’s time to rise”
With eyes of Light
And Hands of Joy
I paint my canvass, filled with desire.
I remember this soul, its beauty filled; bold and brave, Divinely tilled.
With a stroke of the brush, I stand and view
This Masterpiece of strength and truth.
I smile and nod with utter glee….
For within this moment, I created ME.
I Love You!
J~xxx
LikeLike
By ~Janya on January 5, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Thank you…
With ‘utter glee’ I give thanks for the dearest friend you are and have been.
I am so very blessed to have You to walk this journey with.
~xoxoxoxo
LikeLike
By in2themystic on January 6, 2010 at 6:21 am
i am so relieved to find this page with all of you lovely wonderful people who are where i am right now !!!! i am a sun/moon moon/moon child and i am so far out of it right now i thought i was slipping off of the deep end and then i came here and i just need to thank you all for your posts “its not just me” is just what i needed to know thank you so much all of my sisters !
LikeLike
By hippiemoon child on January 17, 2010 at 11:09 am
Welcome hippiemoon child! 🙂
Am pleased you came to share with us.
Feel free to share your thoughts upon any post..and no, you are absolutely not alone.{{smiles}}
Many Blessings~Kachina
LikeLike
By in2themystic on January 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm
view for promotion code for promotion code
LikeLike
By Luslyjuanita on December 11, 2011 at 7:10 am