Into the Mystic

My 12th house Moon at 29° Gemini conjunct my Cancer ascendant has always been a challenge for me. Not a fluffy moon, it receives squares from my angular South Node, Pluto, Uranus, Jupiter and Mercury at the bottom of my chart and at the top has squares to my North Node and Chiron. Throw in an opposition to Mars and voila!, challenged Moon. {{smiles and reminds self to love my moon anyway}}

Transiting Pluto spent many years opposing my Moon and during that time the dissolution of female relationships was absolute, in regards to friends and family, less my daughters. My relationship with my daughters strengthened and evolved into a deep friendship and something far more beautiful and fulfilling than I could have imagined I would have with them at their current ages of 22 and 18. Friendship, true and real friendship is what we have now and that means everything to me for if there is no friendship in any form of a relationship than there is no relationship, period. I honestly believe that. I do not feel that blood relationships hold us together, at least it has not been true for me, friendship does. Yet, the relationship with my daughters while transformed was done so under duress.

In 2005 I had my Jupiter return, transiting Pluto conjuncted my natal Mars triggering my natal Mars-Pluto square and Saturn finished his transit through my 1st house and ended with a conjunction to my Leo Venus triggering my natal Venus-Saturn square. Divorce, followed by a financial collapse, was the result for me. By the end of 2006, my material net worth was packable, literally luggage tote-able{{laughs}}, attire and a few keepsakes plus my faithful little dog. That’s it. Everything else was gone. Home, auto’s, furnishings, bank accounts…gone in the blink of an eye it seemed. I have come to accept that this was the result of my dragging my tail on bringing to closure many situations when I should have instead of attempting to be the “good girl” and my previously warped perception of whom I thought I needed to be to be ‘spiritual’ undoubtedly contributed to my sluggishness in making willing changes too.

Sometimes I start to fall back on the old crutch of,  “Hey, I was presented with a whole plate of Shit when I entered this life” and then I check it quickly, for it is no excuse for my not attending to what was in my power to attend to and crutches like that one just catapult you right back into victim-hood. That is never a productive place to be and I very sincerely believe that these times are we are in will no longer allow for that state of consciousness. We now must take full accountability for our actions and non-actions, that is the only way through this pass, the best that I can see. No more pointing fingers and hiding behind shadows, at least not for me it would seem, for those shadows have been outed for me non-stop and I have to own them, there just is no other option even though I cannot logically explain why that is to someone that doesn’t already get it, you know?

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