I should have told you that I had already decided whom you were going to be, long before you even arrived.
I should have told you that I was never going to love you because I was too busy hating myself.
I should have told you that I noted every little, and big, thing about you that didn’t exactly fit the “You” of my preconceptions and that I truly believed I could help you fix all of them.
I should have told you that I never really knew you at all when I said, “I do”.
I should have told you that if you were not willing to kill everything that you uniquely were, to be the Prince that I imagined you to be, that you should not have said, “I do”, in return.
I should have told you that I had no idea of whom I was so there was never any real possibility of you knowing me either.
I should have told you that every time I expected you to respond to me in the exact same manner that the Prince in my head did, and you failed to meet that expectation, I hated you a bit more for letting me down again.
I should have told you that though I hated you I hated myself exponentially more for failing to be the perfection that I apparently needed to be for my Prince to arise from within you.
I should have told you all of this and so much more; yet I could not for I could not tell what I did not then know myself.
It would be my experiencing of you, and other non-princes, that would lead me to these truths that once evaded me.
All of these fore mentioned confessions I place before you and to these confessions I do now add the following;
I now tell you that you, exactly as you truly were not how I imaged you to be, were perfect for the then version of me, though I could not then see it.
I now tell you that I miss your smile and that I have never met another whom could tell a joke even half as well as you.
I now tell you that I tell our story of gaming and boozing and dancing and laughter, when we were young and broke and all alone, and it is told with a happy heart and a tear.
I now tell you that your dance moves, all two of them, were bad; really truly Awful.
(more…)
Into the Mystic 