Into the Mystic

Please do not Judge Me for Living My Truth

It’s mine and I own it whatever it’s Proof

Please do not Fear for Me for my Soul is Safe

Should you see Darkness within Me

Fear not, for it is in the right Place

My Lessons are Many, my fears may be great

Yet it is Mine to Reveal, and Restore without Hate

If ever you view me standing at Hell’s Darkest Gate

Please let it be known, the Light in my Heart, Shall be my guide Home.

When I struggle with Darkness, Fear and ill Faith

Your Love, plain and simple, shall help me find Grace

So Pray, judge not my fears, with your Anger nor Pain

Instead speed me Light, with Joy, in great Haste!

I ask simply this please…

Do not Judge me for Living my Truth

I AM what I AM and with All of my Might

I AM Purely and Simply

A Being of Light.

~Janya

***A very dear friend of mine penned the above some time ago and I felt it was perfectly befitting my little tale today. Thank you Janya, for allowing me to share your words of wisdom!

The past few days I have been in the space of a deep clearing of wounds that I had no idea I was carrying until recently.

That is not unusual at all though, especially after you have been on the healing path for a good amount of time, for we clear the ‘knowns’ first, the wounds that are on the surface that can still be seen in some manner, and then we go deeper than.

Deeper Than…I first began to hear those words 2 years ago. Deeper Than.

And I replied, “Yeah, sure, why not? I’m game!”.

That must have been my overly enthusiastic Uranus at work there. ((sardonic smile))

Seriously though, I have no regrets, not in the long run.

I do have my hard days though, just like everyone else, and on those days I can tend to be quite sarcastic, it is my way of keeping myself moving forward and my head above water during the really tough stuff.

As I’ve said a million and one times, and others have too..a sense of humor is mandatory when on the path of Healing.

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Before I go into sharing my experiences and my forthcoming understandings of said experiences (that precipitated the title of this post), I’ll share the lowdown on my current astrological transits:

Transit Saturn (responsibility/the past) is on my 3rd/4th house cusp. (local community, brothers&sisters/inner self and more of the past). 🙂

Tr. Saturn is squaring Tr. Pluto whom is now within 3 degree’s of my descendant, so likely now affecting not only my 6th house (service to others, personal health) yet also my 7th house (committed relationships).

Squares are frictional and we all currently have the transit of Saturn sq. Pluto somewhere in our charts, I just happen to have mine as I detailed above.

I also have the coming Full-Moon Lunar Eclipse on New Years Eve conjunct my Ascendant (self)/ Descendant (other), squaring my natal Jupiter/Mercury (higher/expanded understanding) conjunction in Libra (relationships/balance/justice) and this all is forming a loose Grand Cross with my Chiron (healing/wounds) at the top of my chart(sharing my understanding of this wound to heal thyself) .

On the day that this area of self-clearing began for me, transiting Moon triggered the Saturn/Pluto square by forming an inconjunct and trine respectively, when the Moon aspected conjunct my natal Saturn in the 11th house (friendships/groups/hopes).

I’m not sure who I wrote that for, my readers or myself..likely more for myself. (I hope you benefit, but I am determined to do what I have to do here to heal thyself.) ((admitting with no shame))

Though it just made my tummy flip upside down again for the upteenth time this week.

So I am steeping in relationships right now, and issues of responsibility to others, and the need to regenerate in some manner, how I have perceived and/or done, all of this before.

Following is my tale, of uncovering wounds of perceived failure, and the messages I have received, concerning our responsibility to others. I confess the tale is somewhat long, for I could find no way to shorten it and still get my point across..so you may wish to take out the dog and get another cup of joe before you proceed..you brave, brave Soul. 🙂

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I was holding company the other eve with a famed rock star. He is no longer on this plane, and no longer defines himself solely by that particular lifetime, yet he did indeed choose that persona when he visited with me. His chosen persona was to allow me to make certain connections with the information he was to share. That’s all there is to it.

I wrote on my personal Facebook page status that day that “I was holding company with “Mr. ____” and that I was in the midst of deep release work”, and it is likely most of my friends there, thought I meant I was playing his music while sobbing my eyes out and drowning in the sorrows of life.

No, it was not like that at all.

You see, this musician was one that exited this plane via suicide.

I found him now to be of peace yet had a very strong impression that the reason he came to visit, was to impart a wisdom that he acquired after exiting that lifetime of fame via suicide, concerning what brought him to the place of choosing to exit as he had done.

He was a guide to me that evening, taking me to various locations around cities, where the broken of spirit spend their days and nights.

Some of these people I recognized as being of recognition on this plane, for once they had been of some fame. There were other musicians, actors, authors and businessmen of note.

Some of these people, I had no recognition of, though I did know them to be same as the others I recognized, for they had an energy signature in common, and it was quite pronounced.

All of these people we viewed as we lay upon the sidewalks, and everything was so very quiet, occasionally just a note or two being heard as one of the musicians played a few bars on their chosen medium.

My companion, sat up from time to time, and leaned over me saying, “They are me, and I am them. We, are Same”.

When I awoke, I was sobbing..and this is quite unusual for me. I am not very good at crying, and it takes alot to bring me to it, yet the grief and sorrow I had connected with was tremendous, and I knew I had connected with it..which meant something within me had a resonance, with those that I had just spent time with.

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Later that day I was overcome with the need to lie down and sleep once again.

I knew that there was more I needed to receive, and indeed ‘next’ did come.

I found myself in the role of assistant to an honored and beloved teacher (no one I had recognition of, yet the archetype presenting as clear.)

This teacher was the representation of all teachers that have brought the gift of learning to others through their hearts, and through the belief that every child, has value and no one, is a failure, there are merely differences in how some learn, and their capacity to do so.

The Teacher I was assisting sat at a long table which was facing another long table, at which sat an administrator.

The administrator, was representative of the “Establishment”.

I am not referring to any concept of the “Establishment” that could be considered subject material of conspiracy theory, for I really don’t feel that was implied in the information I was receiving.

It was more like the “Establishment” was in representation of those that are extremely Saturnian in nature and tend to manifest the shadow side of Saturn, those that do everything because that is the ‘way it has always been done’ and 100% by the book with no allowance given for individual circumstances or needs.

My “Teacher” companion had recently been suspended from his position. Why I do not know. I was acting as the go-between for these two men.

I held within my hands a holographic board, that operated as a score/report card.

A students name would register on my board, and then I watched as the scores from the Establishment would tally.

Now here is where it became undeniably personal for me, for the student’s names were those of friends from my past before I reached adulthood and these were friends that I loved dearly and considered my family.

So I watched with hope and yet a bit of fear, as each student was graded upon the holo-board, and was overwhelmed with Joy when one of the students would have their over-all total climb above a “C” grade, knowing, they had passed.

When that would occur I would run to show the teacher the holo-board, and together we felt great joy and relief.

Yet some, did not receive passing grades.

And again, I awoke with grief and sorrow, and the words echoing, “They are Me and I am Them, We are Same.”

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The last segment of this information came to me soon after.

I now found myself in a Diner, awaiting the arrival of a female friend from my teens, that I have not had the acquaintance of in nearly 20 years.

This friend too, I loved dearly and considered family.

Life took us in different directions, as was true, with all of these friends that I held dear.

She entered the diner in the role of being a Waitress at this business, and indeed she had something big to serve to me.

I knew before she entered that we were to meet there, to be reunited, and when she walked in I jumped out of my seat to embrace her, yet she did not return the embrace.

I was puzzled, and felt as if I had done something to anger her and cause her aloofness with me, yet could not remember what.

She then put on her apron, and summoned me to walk with her.

She showed me what her daily life is like, and I cannot say that I found it appealing.

For myself, the life she had chosen would feel like a living hell.

Yet she was sure to impress upon me, that she did indeed choose it, and it was hers, not mine.

And then there was a silent plea from her, to let her go, to release her from me.

Again, I awoke, heavy-hearted.

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Then the deeper understanding of these visitations started to unfold.

I remembered about a week previous I had happened to turn on the local news before bed. This is something I rarely do, and I was even surprised to look up at the TV and realize what I had done.

As soon as I turned it on, I heard a familiar name, and looked up just in time to see a man whom as a boy, was one of these friends I held as family.

He was being featured, as once again he had been arrested for committing a crime, this one just the last in a string of these behaviors since his late teens.

I paused and for a moment, all of these fiends I had once held company with came back to me, names..faces.

I was overwhelmed with love, sorrow, grief, and guilt.

You see, these friends I once had, many of them are long passed from this plane.

Some were murdered, others committed suicide and some were taken by auto-accidents.

Some whom are still on this plane, are incarcerated for serious crimes, and some are heavily addicted to various substances and spend their days numb and in pain.

So this night when I saw this man I once knew on the news, I had all of that fly up within me, all of those memories, and I  said to Christopher at the time:

“How did that happen? How did I get here, and they did not? How can that be, when surely we are close soul family..I loved them so much and I tried so hard to help them, and yet it didn’t really matter in the end, did it? I made it through, and they did not, why?”.

Even writing that now I feel a tremendous squeezing in my heart and power chakra’s…and that is ok, I am just going to keep walking it through.

So this was the moment, when I turned on the news, that a wound I did not know I even had, surfaced.

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Yesterday, I phoned Janya (my friend who’s poetry graces the top of this post), and we spoke of what I just shared with you, and the energies we are feeling in the collective now being those of failure and hopelessness.

This past week, this collective energy has been quite strong, and chances are, we all are resonating with it, in some manner.

After our call, I quickly realized the rest of what I needed to see in this tale of mine…

You see, I am carrying a tremendous amount of guilt born of my perceived failure, to assist my friends, to keep them safe.

I thought I had left that far behind me, yet apparently I have not.

So I considered all of the information I had received, and realized, that I was being invited and encouraged to understand the root of this ‘failure’ energy, not only in myself, but also in the collective.

This meant I had to have a close look, at what constitutes responsibility, to another.

And that is where Janya’s poem offered me the key.

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I feel our one and only true responsibility is one of Love.

We are to Love others, and to Love ourselves..everything else, is optional.

From Love, all goodness and abundance springs forth.

It is not our responsibility to ‘fix others’, through mending or taking upon ourselves, any of their ‘ills, sorrows or bad behaviors’ we may perceive them as having.

It is our responsibility, to aspire to love them as much as we possibly can, to allow them to live their life and lessons in accordance to their choosing, and to be there, with open arms, if they ever seek our assistance.

These things I write here now, I have been aware of for some time, yet now I needed to go back, and apply this knowing to this wound of my past, to release the energy of failure from myself, and to release any others, that I might be holding to me, in my mistaken belief of responsibility for them.

And so I did.

I simply stated: “I release from myself, any and all perceived responsibility to another that has not served the Higher Good, of myself and/or the other. I also release any other, from any perceived responsibility they may feel towards me, that has not served the Highest Good of either their self and/or mine.”

I have also set within my energy patterns via intent, that all responsibility that I choose to accept with any other in the future shall be beneficial to both parties, and allow for both parties, free-will in all things, in respect of the inherent right of all Beings to choose their own course.

And I accept, that though I may not always be able to see the Higher Truth of any individuals choice and that I may feel their choice is not right for myself, that their choices are indeed what is best for their personal evolution and growth, and that it is not my right nor my responsibility, to in any way interfere with their process out of a need to ‘save or fix’ them, unless they should make a direct request of my assistance.

I shall simply hold the space of Love, should they ever feel the need to enter.

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Here is how I am interpreting all of this currently in the collective:

The collective energy of failure has come to a toxic degree and is being cleared at deep levels, stemming from many ages of patterning and conditioning nearly from birth, to ‘make the grade’, within societies that have become heavily Saturnian in nature.

A need to balance this is currently being catalyzed by the Saturn/Uranus opposition. This opposition is raising these energies collectively and channeling them to Pluto for transformation.

The final outcome in the collective is a work still in progress, and I don’t think any of us can say with a certainty what that final outcome shall be.

On the personal level, if what I have shared is resonating with you, here are some questions you may wish to ask of yourself:

Am I carrying a perceived ‘failure’ of responsibility to others?

If I am, how valid is this feeling today from my current understanding of what I view as my responsibility to another?

Is this sense of ‘failed’ responsibility within past relationships, now serving myself and or another, in a positive manner OR is it causing pain to either/both parties or limiting the forward growth of either/both parties?

If you are feeling the energy of failure stemming from past or current relationships, do you now wish to release yourself and/or another from it, and accept the Grace of healing of all wounds related to these experiences that is available to any Soul that chooses to be accepting of it?

Do you wish, from this day forward, to stand in the space of Love, as an offering to all whom wish to enter that space, instead of taking the initiative to carry the burden or sorrows of others out of a misplaced sense of responsibility for their well-being that only they, can truly be responsible for, via their exercising Free-Will and making their own choices ?

Blessings~kachina