Into the Mystic

Note: I was reminded of this piece I wrote just yesterday during a conversation. As I was rereading it, I decided to post it here.It has been nearly a year since my coffee, tea and me escapade, and as of now, I still have not had the delight of Coffee rejoining my daily life. Yet I am completely open now to Coffee, so just maybe….

Coffee, Tea and Me..A True Love Story

I recently gave up my beloved Coffee.

Released my love and set him free.

I grieved my beloved, I reminisced on the many wonderful times we spent together, I got quite angry with my now ex-love, for no longer being my main man.

I soothed myself, told myself it was all going to be just fine, that I would be quite happy again.

After all, I had Tea.

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Tea was ever waiting in the side wings to catch my eye, always longing to be embraced within my heart.

Now, don’t get me wrong..it’s not that I’ve ignored nor been unkind to Tea, and yes Tea has many wonderful flavors, colors, benefits..such a wonderful personality Tea is.

Yet the same can be said of Coffee.

I’m a Coffee kind of gal, he gets my motor running.

Give me a Starbucks Double-espresso shots-Latte topped with a mountain of whipped cream and those delicious sprinkles and I am in my own little sensual heaven that is almost as good as the best sex I’ve ever had.

I certainly never had to partake in the common after sex dialogue of, ‘Was it good for you? When will I see you again?’, afterwards.

My Latte knew he pleased me and was quite confident that I would be back around for seconds, thirds and more.

So, here I was, no longer a couple with Coffee, and Tea is right there waiting as ever.

Now Tea and I, well, we’ve dated plenty in the past, though we never reached that level of intimacy I had with Coffee.

No motors firing up that left me purring for hours afterward, none of the toe-curling exhilaration of being intimate with a partner that absolutely KNOWS they are the “stuff’ and in all the right ways.

Coffee and I had no need for conversation, debate, just Being together was MMMMmmm!, yeah.

You know what I mean. 🙂

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This little drama I was having within myself over my ex-love was becoming quite hysterical some days.

I phoned my friend, Donna, one morning to share with her how I awoke to part of me that was so desperately in-love with the man, and refusing to let go, she had revolted and fragmented from the rest of myself, and was downstairs preparing to bring Coffee back to the kitchen where he belonged, BEFORE, I could get out of bed and stop her.

Guess her plan was something like this: if she quickly placed him in the kitchen fully prepared in all of his grand “MMMMmmm, yes!!!” that I find so irresistible, then once “I” was fully conscious, I would melt like butter in his presence.

No, didn’t happen, I’m a big girl now and reigned the little rebellious fragment back in.

This surprised us both, likely myself, more than Donna.

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Now back to my good friend Tea.

Coffee and I have parted ways, and what do I do?

I give a little wink in the direction of Tea, and Tea came running.

We went a little farther than before.

Holding hands, a few kisses here and there.

Yet the more I kissed Tea, the more I tried to get back that feeling, the angrier and more disappointed I became.

Damn! Why could Tea not be Coffee??

Then I felt guilty.

Poor Tea.

He never wanted to be Coffee.

Tea really is a great guy in and of himself.

What in the world was I doing in this relationship with Tea?

I did not know.

For you see, now, since I was attempting to make him my beloved Coffee, suddenly I could no longer remember all the great things I liked about Tea, just as Tea was.

Tea, poor, poor tea was my rebound man.

Shame on me for trying to replace one with the other.

Too, what right did I have to expect him to look, taste, smell and most importantly, fire my engines like Coffee??

Why could I not just love Tea for his wonderful traits and companionship that he had offered me over the years?

DAMN again..now the bigger issue was arising. Argghhh!

Coffee..why did I break up with him?

Have this little fit of, “I don’t feel well lately, you must be abusing me, you are no longer good for me..blah, blah, blah!”.

Yeah.

BLAH.

Can you hear me giggling now?

Lightbulb moment on the way here…

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Coffee was the same Coffee he ever was.

He was still self-empowered, sure of himself, made no excuses for whom he was.

I, had lost my footing a bit.

I, had given the responsibility to Coffee, for my not holding my side of the relationship.

In a time of uncertainty within myself, I turned to him a little too much for support, and because I started to feel badly due to my giving away a bit of my power to Coffee..well, I got really pissed off at Coffee.

Wasn’t his fault.

He was always there to share with me, but he never claimed he would carry me nor solve anything for me.

So, we parted ways.

It has taken me a few weeks/eons(??) to work this all out within myself concerning Coffee (and everything else he stands in symbol of within my life).

I am ready though, to join him again, equally, with Love and in my own Power, as he is in his.

Hopefully Coffee won’t be too hard to find now.

Yet I have done my work and I await patiently for him to rejoin me.

Tea, well..Tea is still happy to wait in the wings.

He is not yet ready to go this far with me, and I cannot make him something, he is not to Be, to have him with me.

I do love Tea, and wish him well.

I will visit with Tea from time to time.

I must remember in the future though not to wink at him, for he too willingly comes to my side.

And when not in his very own space, those in a love affair with Tea, cannot find him.

Kachina~08